2017 and a Pagan heart …

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about this year and the future of “A Pagan Heart” and “Ramblings”…

Not everyone follows me on Facebook so some of you may not be aware of what’s been going on…

It has been a rollercoaster of a year …

After a few years on the market we finally sold our house at the beginning of June and started getting ready to build our new house this past Summer.

Those plans changed and we moved into an apartment and put our house plans on hold for a couple years because things got crazy.

I have the honor of living with two wonderful women whom I love and care for very much … since around January, our roommate Alta had been having trouble with her arms and legs … pain and nerve problems …

After several scans and tests, the doctors started treating her condition as a critical spinal cord injury … they operated on her neck in the middle of August taking out bone from 5 vertebrae and putting in screws and plates to stabilize her neck …

About this time, my wife Sandy had a follow-up from an operation she had last year … The doctor saw something that didn’t look right … after sending some tissue for biopsy it came back positive for a rare form of Cancer … She went in for surgery at the beginning of October to have it removed.

Alta’s surgery was successful on helping with her arms, but not her legs …

Her legs have progressively been getting worse and she had more scans done at the end of October and middle of November … she’s goes in for surgery tomorrow morning for spinal decompression on several of her lower back vertebrae.

So here’s the thing … The Universe is STILL looking out for us …

It would be really easy to get depressed and worry and go “Why is this happening to us?”…

All three of us have stayed positive and while it has been a stressful year, here are the things that have gone right.

We sold our house! … It allowed us to pay off our land which we now own outright … we were able to pay off a car and several other bills which has helped with finances … our apartment is costing us $100’s less than our mortgage … and truthfully, if we had still been living in our old house, we would have lost it to the bank because of all our added bills.

Alta’s first surgery was successful! … She has more and more feeling and strength back in her arms and is starting to slowly get feelings back into her hands…

Sandy’s surgery was successful! … They were able to cut out the cancer with clean edges and they did a lymph node dissection to check if the cancer had spread and it came back negative. She still has to go in for 3 month checkups for a while, yet the doctor said this was the best outcome and she didn’t need to have radiation or chemo.

Life is FULL of twists and turns … things can change in a moment and you never know how things will change tomorrow … It’s import to love life, love each other and weather the storms together … Life is what you do today, in this moment … not yesterday, not tomorrow … just today, because that’s what we have … you can plan things out, yet it’s important to be able to change your plans because crap happens … sometimes a LOT of crap.

It has been a rough year of a lot of change … our savings are gone, our house is gone…

..and we still wake up and greet each day loving each other and loving life 🙂 …

Friends have helped us tremendously throughout this year and we thank them with all our hearts …

We have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in the fridge … that is more than a lot of people have, and we truly know how blessed we are…

So, for now, my podcasts are going away for a while … my recording equipment is packed in storage and my family comes first … time just will not allow me to record a proper podcast …

The website will still be up and I may post a blog post from time to time and I will post it on the podcast feed like this one …

the podcast feed will still be up and my old episodes will still all be there to listen…

How long before new episodes? …

I don’t know…

a year…

maybe two …

but I WILL still be on Facebook and I’ll put links to my pages at the end of this post.

Thank you to all of you for listening to my ramblings these past years.

~ Robert (Greywolf) Webber Chipman

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https://www.facebook.com/robert.webber.chipman

https://www.facebook.com/OceanMoonCreations/

Episode 52 – Ask Greywolf

On today’s episode I answer some questions sent to me …

 
Music on today’s show is from Featherscale, Laura Powers, Bone Poets Orchestra and Emerald Rose.

Enjoy! … Brightest Blessings 🙂

Episode 51 – It’s About Waves …

On today’s episode I talk about the element of Water and share a great interview with Blake and Gwain from the “Broadcasts from the Cove” podcast …

 

You can find Blake and Gwain at : http://broadcastsfromthecove.podbean.com/

and on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/BroadcastsFromTheCove/

 
Music on today’s show is from Celtic Legend, Gwain Nighthawk (feat. Blake Octavian Blair) . Abney Park and Spiral Dance.

Enjoy! … Brightest Blessings 🙂

Ramblings #006 – Yuletide Blessings

Wishing Everyone a Blessed Solstice and Yule! …

Clip music is “Fires at Midnight” by Blackmore’s Night

Ramblings #005 – Of Endings … Of Thanksgivings…

Some thoughts and a state of the podcast address …

Clip music is “More than a Feeling” by Boston

… On Depression and Suicide

There is a shock and emptiness when someone you know and love is suddenly gone … and it takes time to process, to grieve …

For those who have taken their own life, their pain and their journey is over … and for those of us who stay and continue this life’s journey, we deal with the pain and loss and we live …

We try to understand why this happened, why did they leave, how could they be so “selfish”, what did I do, or didn’t do that could have changed this … there is the hurt, the emptiness, the anger …

So I’m writing this, first, for the living …

Nobody wants to talk about suicide … nobody wants to talk about depression … there seems to still be a taboo about the subject … people will mourn the death of a loved one, the shock of sudden loss, the sharing and the comforting of friends and family

… and then when everyone is alone, when there is no one to hold onto or to share, they will think about how this happened … because the subject of suicide is a taboo and people shouldn’t talk about it …

… Bullshit …

NOW is the time to talk about it !… it is a part of your loved ones’ life, not something to be hidden … you HAVE to talk about this surrounded by the ones you love!

If your loved one dies from Cancer, or heart attack, or stroke … you talk about it, right?

Depression is a Cancer! It is a disease … Suicide is a heart attack …

a fatal stroke …

The questions come up when we are alone…

“I wish I had known it was that bad…”

…Some of us have diseases in ourselves we don’t know about at this very minute … this is a part of life …

“How could they be so selfish …”

… it has NOTHING to do with being selfish, the person who takes their own life is the victim of their disease … we would never say “ They had a heart attack, how could they be so selfish …” … it may seem like a choice … but it’s not … suicidal ideology is a symptom of a disease … and when the depression and the pain become too great, your body says “ENOUGH” … and gives up …

“What if I had done this … or that …or listened more…”

…these are the questions we ask because we desperately try to understand … we need to rationalize … we need to explain … to blame … someone or ourselves for this …

No … just no …

… this is being struck by a car, this is a heart attack, this is something that NOBODY, not even the victim could stop …

People with Cancer go to doctors… get Chemo … get radiation … change diets and lifestyles and do EVERYTHING they need to do to get better …

… and die anyway …

You can do all the right things … get counseling, get medication, call the suicide help lines, be surrounded by friends and family that love and support you …

…and die anyways …

There is nothing to rationalize… you can’t blame yourself, others or the victim …

it just IS …

The cancer cells in a person’s body belong to that person … the pain is caused by their own cells … it’s a disease …

It’s the same with depression and suicide …

Some of us survive … I say “us” because I’ve been here … I have scars you can see … and many you can’t see … I battled this illness for years and there were several times I almost lost the battle … It was a long time ago, but it is a part of my life …

I survived …

not everyone does …

it’s a cancer …

I’m writing all of this because, earlier this week my brother-in-laws’ sister, Nora, took her own life …

… and it needed to be talked about …

Nora was a wonderful person who was loved and supported by her family and friends … she touched many lives and she fought hard to live … just because she lost her battle doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about … she was a believer in suicide awareness and prevention programs and she wouldn’t want this buried under a rug …

There are a lot of resources out there and I’m going to list one …

If you are suffering from depression and are in crisis or just need to talk, call

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline …

Nora was in a lot of pain, and she fought hard … she was loved and she will be missed greatly …

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Rest in Love, Nora Kathleen Devine … 3.3.1966 – 6.20.2016

Episode 50 – Shiny Red Button

On today’s episode I talk about Shiny Red Buttons and I have a wonderful interview with author Katrina Ray-Saulis …

 

You can find Katrina at: http://imaginekatrina.blogspot.com/
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Music on today’s show is from Wendy Rule, Gaia Consort, FeatherScale, and Winter in Eden.

Enjoy! … Brightest Blessings 🙂

 

 

 

Ramblings #004 – Happy New Year

Happy New Year !! …

A little about Perception and wishing you all a Happy New Year! 🙂

Clip music is “These are the Times” by STYX

Ramblings #003 – Samhain

Blessed Samhain!! …

Sharing a short horror story I wrote and wishing everyone a Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain! 🙂

Clip music is “Wytches” by Inkkubus Sukkubus

A Story for a Sad Day :-(

Sunday dinner 005

“Chapters” by Robert Webber Chipman

The old man lay propped up in bed looking out the hospital window when his nurse came in. The nurse smiled as she adjusted the monitors and tubes hooked up to him.

“How are you feeling today?” She asked …

“I’m feeling fine,” He said in a raspy voice, “…but I’m going to die today.”

Before the nurse could protest, he quickly said “No, no … it’s OK… everyone has their time and today is mine.”

He took a couple of labored breaths as the machines beeps and buzzed around him…

“I think about time a lot nowadays and about life in general … did I ever tell you about a cat I had when I was younger? I used to enjoy going to rummage and estate sales and I went to one at a farm nearby a long time ago … amongst all the treasures for sale was a sign which said “ free” and “cats” … which happen to be two of my favorite words … I was living alone in an 8 x 16 foot camper and thought some company would be nice so I went over to look.”

“They had a few dozen barn cats and the farm owners had to thin out the herd so they were giving them away … there were all different types of tabbys and shorthairs but it was a small tortoise shell kitty that rubbed up against my leg and wanted to come home with me. I picked her up and she had the prettiest blue/green eyes.”

“The farmers had named her Precious but that didn’t seem right … So I called her ‘Princess’ and that was her name from then on … I lived in that camper for three more years and when I would go to bed she would crawl up on my chest , curl into a ball and purr her way to sleep … she was a sweet girl.’

“For seventeen years her favorite pastime was sleeping in sunbeams … she would curl up next to me for some belly rubs and hours of purring … then one day she looked up at me and her beautiful blue/green eyes seemed to say ‘I’m feeling fine. But I’m going to die today.’”

The old man coughed a few times and took another breath and the nurse checked another monitor…

“I have had many pets, but I never forgot her … it’s like a favorite chapter of a book … the chapter ends, and it has to … or else the story can’t keep going on …”

He coughed again,

“… Chapters have to end… ” He smiled, “… but the story doesn’t …”

The old man closed his eyes as the alarms from the monitors sounded … he could hear the nurse calling for help and people rushing around, but he was OK … it was time to sleep.

….

His eyes opened … “What a weird dream…” he thought as Mama-cat started licking his head “… with beeps and alarms and…” , he stretched his paws out and the dream was forgotten. “Time to play” he thought and ran over to his brothers and sisters. He looked up as the door opened and several humans walked in … a little girl looked around the room and suddenly saw him. “That’s the one!” She said excitedly, “ Can we keep him!” and ran over to pick him up…

The parents smiled and said “Yes, you can keep him”…

She hugged the little kitten and looked into his face and said “ I’m going to call you ‘Prince’”

He curled up in her arms, smiled and started purring and thought “ So now I have a new human and a new name … and she has the prettiest blue/green eyes.”

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AUTHORS NOTE

We live and gather experiences on this journey of life and like a book we have chapters … some chapters are long, some are short … some chapters start out slow and some hit the ground running… each page is an important part of our individual stories… and some stories you wish could go on forever.

The details in this story of how I met my kitty, Princess, are true and the past 17 years have been a wonderful chapter in my life.

Today this chapter ended and her story and journey continues on the other side… I miss my Princess and hope that maybe in another story and in another time she can be my human and I can be her kitty …

R.I.P. little one …

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