Thoughts on this Solstice Day…

I have said this before on my podcast and in my writings … Life is NOT about what happens “to” you … life is about how you respond, your reaction to events …

We do not have control over all the events that happen to us in life, but we DO have total control of how we react and adjust to them …

The journey is as much about perception as it is about decision … How you see things determine how you will react … Change yourself and you change the world around you …

It has been a HELL of a year … It began in January when I was out of commission for two months that started with chest pains … selling our house … Alta’s first major surgery … Sandy fighting cancer … Alta’s SECOND major surgery …

And now Alta’s workplace calling us yesterday telling her that her position cannot be held open and they are letting her go as of Christmas Eve …

Alta worked for Southern Maine Health Care right at the hospital, and they said she was an excellent employee during the same phone call that they told her she was no longer an employee …

I understand it’s a “business” decision … that allows the people actually MAKING the decision to hide behind the business itself and not have to feel compassion so they can sleep at night …

… fuckers …

BUT I’m getting off track …

We don’t get to choose what happens to us all the time … It would be easy to blame God, or Gods, Goddesses, Universe, Teddy Ruxpin, whoever, for all the horrible shit that happens in life … I don’t believe that for a moment.

It would be easy to just curl up in a ball at the back of the closet and hibernate, peeking out every few years to see if anything has changed, grabbing a spoon and another jar of peanut butter and crawling back into that dark, safe place.

Or you change yourself … and change your world…

Life is not the struggle most people think it is … don’t get me wrong, it IS a struggle at times …

just not the one you think it is …

I believe everything happens for a reason, even if I don’t know what that reason is … even if the reason is only because “Shit Happens” …

Every struggle does NOT have to be fought with a face on attack, pushing against the wind … sometimes it is enough to hold on and just keep from being blown over … sometimes it means finding shelter until the storm passes … sometimes it means walking sideways across the wind … sometimes it means backing up and finding a different way around…

There are challenges every day … learning how to flow around them means keeping perspective so you can make the right decisions for YOUR life … being able to bend in the wind so you don’t break …

Sometimes you have to changes paths to get around broken trees in the way …

Your journey is not a single path, it may be winding and full of thorn bushes at times… and straight and sunny with flowers growing along it at others …

Flowers grow in shit …

Perception…

I can’t control what happens to me in Life all the time … I CAN control how I deal with it.

I’ve seen a LOT of shit in my life, and I know it doesn’t stay that way …

Change is the constant, and change is neither “Good” nor “Bad”…

It just “Is” …

It is our personal perception that determines “Good” or “Bad” …

MY perception in life is “Is”… and it is my reactions that I CHOOSE to stay positive.

It wasn’t a heart attack I had in January, and the medication I’m taking fixed the problem I do have … being able to sell our house probably kept us from losing our house to the bank with all our bills this year, and we have a wonderful apartment for now that is cheaper than what we were paying … Alta’s first operation on her neck kept her from being paralyzed or dead, and she is getting feeling back into her arms… Sandy’s cancer was removed and follow-up tests are showing negative for any more cancer … Alta’s second operation on her lower back last week is already showing signs of helping with the pain in her legs …

As far as Alta’s job? … Change is constant … new beginnings, new year.

Blessed Yule, Blessed Solstice … and the path keeps on before us

2017 and a Pagan heart …

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to take a moment to talk about this year and the future of “A Pagan Heart” and “Ramblings”…

Not everyone follows me on Facebook so some of you may not be aware of what’s been going on…

It has been a rollercoaster of a year …

After a few years on the market we finally sold our house at the beginning of June and started getting ready to build our new house this past Summer.

Those plans changed and we moved into an apartment and put our house plans on hold for a couple years because things got crazy.

I have the honor of living with two wonderful women whom I love and care for very much … since around January, our roommate Alta had been having trouble with her arms and legs … pain and nerve problems …

After several scans and tests, the doctors started treating her condition as a critical spinal cord injury … they operated on her neck in the middle of August taking out bone from 5 vertebrae and putting in screws and plates to stabilize her neck …

About this time, my wife Sandy had a follow-up from an operation she had last year … The doctor saw something that didn’t look right … after sending some tissue for biopsy it came back positive for a rare form of Cancer … She went in for surgery at the beginning of October to have it removed.

Alta’s surgery was successful on helping with her arms, but not her legs …

Her legs have progressively been getting worse and she had more scans done at the end of October and middle of November … she’s goes in for surgery tomorrow morning for spinal decompression on several of her lower back vertebrae.

So here’s the thing … The Universe is STILL looking out for us …

It would be really easy to get depressed and worry and go “Why is this happening to us?”…

All three of us have stayed positive and while it has been a stressful year, here are the things that have gone right.

We sold our house! … It allowed us to pay off our land which we now own outright … we were able to pay off a car and several other bills which has helped with finances … our apartment is costing us $100’s less than our mortgage … and truthfully, if we had still been living in our old house, we would have lost it to the bank because of all our added bills.

Alta’s first surgery was successful! … She has more and more feeling and strength back in her arms and is starting to slowly get feelings back into her hands…

Sandy’s surgery was successful! … They were able to cut out the cancer with clean edges and they did a lymph node dissection to check if the cancer had spread and it came back negative. She still has to go in for 3 month checkups for a while, yet the doctor said this was the best outcome and she didn’t need to have radiation or chemo.

Life is FULL of twists and turns … things can change in a moment and you never know how things will change tomorrow … It’s import to love life, love each other and weather the storms together … Life is what you do today, in this moment … not yesterday, not tomorrow … just today, because that’s what we have … you can plan things out, yet it’s important to be able to change your plans because crap happens … sometimes a LOT of crap.

It has been a rough year of a lot of change … our savings are gone, our house is gone…

..and we still wake up and greet each day loving each other and loving life 🙂 …

Friends have helped us tremendously throughout this year and we thank them with all our hearts …

We have a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs and food in the fridge … that is more than a lot of people have, and we truly know how blessed we are…

So, for now, my podcasts are going away for a while … my recording equipment is packed in storage and my family comes first … time just will not allow me to record a proper podcast …

The website will still be up and I may post a blog post from time to time and I will post it on the podcast feed like this one …

the podcast feed will still be up and my old episodes will still all be there to listen…

How long before new episodes? …

I don’t know…

a year…

maybe two …

but I WILL still be on Facebook and I’ll put links to my pages at the end of this post.

Thank you to all of you for listening to my ramblings these past years.

~ Robert (Greywolf) Webber Chipman

————————

https://www.facebook.com/robert.webber.chipman

https://www.facebook.com/OceanMoonCreations/

Episode 52 – Ask Greywolf

On today’s episode I answer some questions sent to me …

 
Music on today’s show is from Featherscale, Laura Powers, Bone Poets Orchestra and Emerald Rose.

Enjoy! … Brightest Blessings 🙂

Episode 51 – It’s About Waves …

On today’s episode I talk about the element of Water and share a great interview with Blake and Gwain from the “Broadcasts from the Cove” podcast …

 

You can find Blake and Gwain at : http://broadcastsfromthecove.podbean.com/

and on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/BroadcastsFromTheCove/

 
Music on today’s show is from Celtic Legend, Gwain Nighthawk (feat. Blake Octavian Blair) . Abney Park and Spiral Dance.

Enjoy! … Brightest Blessings 🙂

Ramblings #006 – Yuletide Blessings

Wishing Everyone a Blessed Solstice and Yule! …

Clip music is “Fires at Midnight” by Blackmore’s Night

Ramblings #005 – Of Endings … Of Thanksgivings…

Some thoughts and a state of the podcast address …

Clip music is “More than a Feeling” by Boston

… On Depression and Suicide

There is a shock and emptiness when someone you know and love is suddenly gone … and it takes time to process, to grieve …

For those who have taken their own life, their pain and their journey is over … and for those of us who stay and continue this life’s journey, we deal with the pain and loss and we live …

We try to understand why this happened, why did they leave, how could they be so “selfish”, what did I do, or didn’t do that could have changed this … there is the hurt, the emptiness, the anger …

So I’m writing this, first, for the living …

Nobody wants to talk about suicide … nobody wants to talk about depression … there seems to still be a taboo about the subject … people will mourn the death of a loved one, the shock of sudden loss, the sharing and the comforting of friends and family

… and then when everyone is alone, when there is no one to hold onto or to share, they will think about how this happened … because the subject of suicide is a taboo and people shouldn’t talk about it …

… Bullshit …

NOW is the time to talk about it !… it is a part of your loved ones’ life, not something to be hidden … you HAVE to talk about this surrounded by the ones you love!

If your loved one dies from Cancer, or heart attack, or stroke … you talk about it, right?

Depression is a Cancer! It is a disease … Suicide is a heart attack …

a fatal stroke …

The questions come up when we are alone…

“I wish I had known it was that bad…”

…Some of us have diseases in ourselves we don’t know about at this very minute … this is a part of life …

“How could they be so selfish …”

… it has NOTHING to do with being selfish, the person who takes their own life is the victim of their disease … we would never say “ They had a heart attack, how could they be so selfish …” … it may seem like a choice … but it’s not … suicidal ideology is a symptom of a disease … and when the depression and the pain become too great, your body says “ENOUGH” … and gives up …

“What if I had done this … or that …or listened more…”

…these are the questions we ask because we desperately try to understand … we need to rationalize … we need to explain … to blame … someone or ourselves for this …

No … just no …

… this is being struck by a car, this is a heart attack, this is something that NOBODY, not even the victim could stop …

People with Cancer go to doctors… get Chemo … get radiation … change diets and lifestyles and do EVERYTHING they need to do to get better …

… and die anyway …

You can do all the right things … get counseling, get medication, call the suicide help lines, be surrounded by friends and family that love and support you …

…and die anyways …

There is nothing to rationalize… you can’t blame yourself, others or the victim …

it just IS …

The cancer cells in a person’s body belong to that person … the pain is caused by their own cells … it’s a disease …

It’s the same with depression and suicide …

Some of us survive … I say “us” because I’ve been here … I have scars you can see … and many you can’t see … I battled this illness for years and there were several times I almost lost the battle … It was a long time ago, but it is a part of my life …

I survived …

not everyone does …

it’s a cancer …

I’m writing all of this because, earlier this week my brother-in-laws’ sister, Nora, took her own life …

… and it needed to be talked about …

Nora was a wonderful person who was loved and supported by her family and friends … she touched many lives and she fought hard to live … just because she lost her battle doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about … she was a believer in suicide awareness and prevention programs and she wouldn’t want this buried under a rug …

There are a lot of resources out there and I’m going to list one …

If you are suffering from depression and are in crisis or just need to talk, call

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline …

Nora was in a lot of pain, and she fought hard … she was loved and she will be missed greatly …

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Rest in Love, Nora Kathleen Devine … 3.3.1966 – 6.20.2016

Episode 50 – Shiny Red Button

On today’s episode I talk about Shiny Red Buttons and I have a wonderful interview with author Katrina Ray-Saulis …

 

You can find Katrina at: http://imaginekatrina.blogspot.com/
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Music on today’s show is from Wendy Rule, Gaia Consort, FeatherScale, and Winter in Eden.

Enjoy! … Brightest Blessings 🙂

 

 

 

Ramblings #004 – Happy New Year

Happy New Year !! …

A little about Perception and wishing you all a Happy New Year! 🙂

Clip music is “These are the Times” by STYX

Ramblings #003 – Samhain

Blessed Samhain!! …

Sharing a short horror story I wrote and wishing everyone a Happy Halloween and Blessed Samhain! 🙂

Clip music is “Wytches” by Inkkubus Sukkubus

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