There is a shock and emptiness when someone you know and love is suddenly gone … and it takes time to process, to grieve …

For those who have taken their own life, their pain and their journey is over … and for those of us who stay and continue this life’s journey, we deal with the pain and loss and we live …

We try to understand why this happened, why did they leave, how could they be so “selfish”, what did I do, or didn’t do that could have changed this … there is the hurt, the emptiness, the anger …

So I’m writing this, first, for the living …

Nobody wants to talk about suicide … nobody wants to talk about depression … there seems to still be a taboo about the subject … people will mourn the death of a loved one, the shock of sudden loss, the sharing and the comforting of friends and family

… and then when everyone is alone, when there is no one to hold onto or to share, they will think about how this happened … because the subject of suicide is a taboo and people shouldn’t talk about it …

… Bullshit …

NOW is the time to talk about it !… it is a part of your loved ones’ life, not something to be hidden … you HAVE to talk about this surrounded by the ones you love!

If your loved one dies from Cancer, or heart attack, or stroke … you talk about it, right?

Depression is a Cancer! It is a disease … Suicide is a heart attack …

a fatal stroke …

The questions come up when we are alone…

“I wish I had known it was that bad…”

…Some of us have diseases in ourselves we don’t know about at this very minute … this is a part of life …

“How could they be so selfish …”

… it has NOTHING to do with being selfish, the person who takes their own life is the victim of their disease … we would never say “ They had a heart attack, how could they be so selfish …” … it may seem like a choice … but it’s not … suicidal ideology is a symptom of a disease … and when the depression and the pain become too great, your body says “ENOUGH” … and gives up …

“What if I had done this … or that …or listened more…”

…these are the questions we ask because we desperately try to understand … we need to rationalize … we need to explain … to blame … someone or ourselves for this …

No … just no …

… this is being struck by a car, this is a heart attack, this is something that NOBODY, not even the victim could stop …

People with Cancer go to doctors… get Chemo … get radiation … change diets and lifestyles and do EVERYTHING they need to do to get better …

… and die anyway …

You can do all the right things … get counseling, get medication, call the suicide help lines, be surrounded by friends and family that love and support you …

…and die anyways …

There is nothing to rationalize… you can’t blame yourself, others or the victim …

it just IS …

The cancer cells in a person’s body belong to that person … the pain is caused by their own cells … it’s a disease …

It’s the same with depression and suicide …

Some of us survive … I say “us” because I’ve been here … I have scars you can see … and many you can’t see … I battled this illness for years and there were several times I almost lost the battle … It was a long time ago, but it is a part of my life …

I survived …

not everyone does …

it’s a cancer …

I’m writing all of this because, earlier this week my brother-in-laws’ sister, Nora, took her own life …

… and it needed to be talked about …

Nora was a wonderful person who was loved and supported by her family and friends … she touched many lives and she fought hard to live … just because she lost her battle doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about … she was a believer in suicide awareness and prevention programs and she wouldn’t want this buried under a rug …

There are a lot of resources out there and I’m going to list one …

If you are suffering from depression and are in crisis or just need to talk, call

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline …

Nora was in a lot of pain, and she fought hard … she was loved and she will be missed greatly …

13434755_1423743797651752_7941615904154780000_n

Rest in Love, Nora Kathleen Devine … 3.3.1966 – 6.20.2016