… On Depression and Suicide

There is a shock and emptiness when someone you know and love is suddenly gone … and it takes time to process, to grieve …

For those who have taken their own life, their pain and their journey is over … and for those of us who stay and continue this life’s journey, we deal with the pain and loss and we live …

We try to understand why this happened, why did they leave, how could they be so “selfish”, what did I do, or didn’t do that could have changed this … there is the hurt, the emptiness, the anger …

So I’m writing this, first, for the living …

Nobody wants to talk about suicide … nobody wants to talk about depression … there seems to still be a taboo about the subject … people will mourn the death of a loved one, the shock of sudden loss, the sharing and the comforting of friends and family

… and then when everyone is alone, when there is no one to hold onto or to share, they will think about how this happened … because the subject of suicide is a taboo and people shouldn’t talk about it …

… Bullshit …

NOW is the time to talk about it !… it is a part of your loved ones’ life, not something to be hidden … you HAVE to talk about this surrounded by the ones you love!

If your loved one dies from Cancer, or heart attack, or stroke … you talk about it, right?

Depression is a Cancer! It is a disease … Suicide is a heart attack …

a fatal stroke …

The questions come up when we are alone…

“I wish I had known it was that bad…”

…Some of us have diseases in ourselves we don’t know about at this very minute … this is a part of life …

“How could they be so selfish …”

… it has NOTHING to do with being selfish, the person who takes their own life is the victim of their disease … we would never say “ They had a heart attack, how could they be so selfish …” … it may seem like a choice … but it’s not … suicidal ideology is a symptom of a disease … and when the depression and the pain become too great, your body says “ENOUGH” … and gives up …

“What if I had done this … or that …or listened more…”

…these are the questions we ask because we desperately try to understand … we need to rationalize … we need to explain … to blame … someone or ourselves for this …

No … just no …

… this is being struck by a car, this is a heart attack, this is something that NOBODY, not even the victim could stop …

People with Cancer go to doctors… get Chemo … get radiation … change diets and lifestyles and do EVERYTHING they need to do to get better …

… and die anyway …

You can do all the right things … get counseling, get medication, call the suicide help lines, be surrounded by friends and family that love and support you …

…and die anyways …

There is nothing to rationalize… you can’t blame yourself, others or the victim …

it just IS …

The cancer cells in a person’s body belong to that person … the pain is caused by their own cells … it’s a disease …

It’s the same with depression and suicide …

Some of us survive … I say “us” because I’ve been here … I have scars you can see … and many you can’t see … I battled this illness for years and there were several times I almost lost the battle … It was a long time ago, but it is a part of my life …

I survived …

not everyone does …

it’s a cancer …

I’m writing all of this because, earlier this week my brother-in-laws’ sister, Nora, took her own life …

… and it needed to be talked about …

Nora was a wonderful person who was loved and supported by her family and friends … she touched many lives and she fought hard to live … just because she lost her battle doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be talked about … she was a believer in suicide awareness and prevention programs and she wouldn’t want this buried under a rug …

There are a lot of resources out there and I’m going to list one …

If you are suffering from depression and are in crisis or just need to talk, call

1-800-273-TALK (8255)
This is the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline …

Nora was in a lot of pain, and she fought hard … she was loved and she will be missed greatly …

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Rest in Love, Nora Kathleen Devine … 3.3.1966 – 6.20.2016

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3 Comments

  1. Lauren Emmons

    I knew Nora and as of recently since I retired knew nothing, but I have been there with my Mom she commited suicide. I was thirty then..I thought she was selfish…It was not expected as she lied to her Psych Doc . He didn’t believe it either. But who is to say, 30 years ago, it was taboo to talk about this. Not now….I realize that she wasn’t selfish, she WAS in pain…probably most of her life. Sad to say I probably didn’t know her at her best times…however I felt loved and cared for, and that’s all that matters.
    Nora RIP and realize you were the best friend, and MOM and one of the sweetest people I knew….With love

  2. April

    Gentle hugs and lots of love to all of us who are dealing with this. I’m sure many of us know someone that has dealt with suicide in our lives. I know I was there for many years of my life and I am happy I was able to over come that pain and still be here with my family and friends.

  3. Our niece Lori committed suicide and we were heartbroken…..had seen her in October. Hugs and love. But in January she took pills. And said it was a mistake. Went home and the next week set the house afire and died….she was a nurse. Looked like it was marriage problems….She is missed….and she was Loved

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